When failure is not really failure…

For the third time this week, I had to throw away bad meat. What is GOING ON?!

I am taking a step back, reviewing what is different. I realize a new skill began using my bandwidth this week:

I am learning how to teach my daughter not to shame herself for her limitations.

😳

My older daughter has health issues. Less-than-stellar eating habits that others might tolerate just fine can put her in the hospital. Every day we carefully monitor her water intake, diet, and bathroom habits, because even one day of mommy not paying enough attention can set us back a whole week of damage control and possibly a visit to the ER.

Right now, this sweet six year old is learning to ride a bike without training wheels. She also took on the job of tidying the living room every day in exchange for a nickel. She is so proud every day when she comes to let me know she did her job and would like 5 cents please. She is so excited that she has no training wheels! She loves the new school book we started this week.

And through angry tears, she shares her frustration, that, “of course,” her body is having problems again. and she is ashamed of it.

She felt that, because she knows HOW to prevent problems, failing to do so made her naughty or deficient in some way – like it’s her fault. A month ago we were doing so good!

So today we talked about the normal cycle of 1) learning a skill, 2) practicing that skill to gain mastery, and 3) excelling in the skill.

Phase 1 is fun. It’s fun to learn a skill. Phase 3 is fun! Mastery brings such confidence and pride in a new skill!

Phase 2 is aweful.

It’s full of frustration. Why? Because so much bandwidth goes to the practice of a new skill, that regression in other areas is common. It’s perfectly normal.

The truth is, this little girl is more aware of proper eating habits than I had ever been. Even as an adult. Because, for her, it’s the difference between a week of functional school days, and – well, nearly a week of just managing her health and little else. Focusing on healthy habits is a skill. And it’s one that took priority over many others in her young life.

So this morning, I wiped away more tears and let her in on a secret. Because she learned to ride a bike this week AND began a new school book, means some things are hard to remember right now. Soon she will master her new talents and skills. Then, it will be easier to remember everything she learned before about preventing health problems WHILE doing new things.

It’s okay to feel frustrated. It drives us to make a change that will help us not forget next time. Shame is out of place in this situation, though. Shame only helps when we didn’t see the value in making an effort, and experience failure as a consequence of not caring. Shame is meant to correct apathy.

Failure as a result of practicing a new skill is not failure at all. It’s simply another step to mastery.

This would be the moment in which my 8-year-old son brought my attention back to the burning sausage. (Good job, buddy).

Which is why, for the first time this week, I am not going to beat myself up for having to throw away inedible meat. I’m not proud that it happened. But, it’s a sign of something good. I’m learning the skill of helping my little girl master a healthy self-image. And my son is learning how to prevent kitchen fires. Win-win.

When God Says “Let’s Talk.”

“Keeley, we need to talk. I’ve been telling you to step out of the boat and you’re holding back. Why are you letting the wind and waves deter you? Trust Me, and keep your eyes fixed on Me – I’ll keep you from sinking, but you have to take that first step. I have given you bread to feed those who need it – is it yours to withhold? My wonders will not be seen if you keep the bread in the basket and do not share it. How then will the hungry souls benefit from My Son?  I know it’s tough, but the sons of disobedience must remain in the world until the harvest, and the thorns will continue to be a threat for you – I’m sorry for the struggle thse influences will cause. But in spite of them you must determine not to let yourself become a stumbling block for others disciples, nor let yourself be choked out by the cares of the world. Lose your life. Deny yourself and follow me.” – God (Matthew 13-17)

“Father, I am surprised to learn that I am the one holding the basket! I thought it was Your Son who brought bread to the people – I never saw how important the role of the disciples was in that miracle before.  How would the people have seen the power of Jesus if the disciples had not distributed what they had been given?  Concerning the boat… point taken.  Ok.  I am no longer afraid of the work that has been presented – if that is where You have prepared us to go, we will step out on faith and go.  No more doubts.  The somewhat more comfortable work I had my eye on is no longer my goal if that is not Your will for us.  We are prepared to do the “impossible” with Your help – whatever that entails.  I must admit that the thorns have been an issue; I will tend to the heart problem.  Nothing material will distract me from sharing the Gospel and thriving on the Word you have sown in my heart.  Show me the road, and I will drop everything, die to myself, and follow.” – Keeley

Of Wheat and Tares

In Matthew 13, Jesus makes an interesting comparison between the world in which the church exists, and the frustration of a field full of weeds.  He gives the parable in verses 24-30, then explains it in verses 36-43.  Now, I’m not much of a gardener.  My first attempts at helping my aunt with the chore of weeding her garden were not the most successfully executed.  She has several strawberry plants that, for some strange reason, were being crowded by out-of-place, deeply rooted bits of grass.  These grassy weeds were so close to the strawberry plants that the blades were often intertwined with the strawberry plant’s leaves.  Why couldn’t the weeds be an inch away from the strawberry plants?  Why did they have to be right there?  Frustrated, I did my best to separate them and pull only the roots of the grass plant out, but occasionally I ended up damaging the strawberry plant as well.

Jesus told His disciples that God specifically sowed only good seed in the world, but that someone – an enemy – came and sowed tares in the world to cause problems for the sons of the kingdom (13:38-39).  In His parable, He gave them an image much like the one I described above: God doesn’t separate the good from the bad while they’re growing, because the possibility is that some of the good may be pulled along with the bad.  Think about it; the unrighteous have opportunity to repent and turn to God so long as they are alive.  2 Peter 3:9 tells us that God is patient, “not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”  So we know why they’re not pulled up right away.  But, what about the strawberry plants?  Do they just have to deal with the discomfort of being crowded by the weeds that threaten to choke the life out of them?

Girls, I don’t know about you, but there have been times when I have wondered how long God expects for me to fight for my spiritual life by keeping myself as far away from bad influences as I can.  It isn’t easy!  The ones in this world who want to bring you down – the promoters of immodesty, sexual immorality and unrighteousness – would love nothing better than for you to give up and become one of them.  But pay close attention to the rest of the story.   Jesus describes to His disciples in verse 40 a vivid image of what will happen to those sons of the evil one: they will be gathered up and burned with fire.  Ouch!  In verse 41-42, He keeps the heat coming for posers who pretend to belong in the strawberry patch: they will be separated out just the same and be thrown into the fire as well. But for those who are sons of the kingdom – legitimate, real disciples that let the good seed take root in their hearts – they will shine forth in the kingdom of their Father (verse 43).  They alone are left to be gathered up by the Father into His kingdom forever.

If we want the benefit of being a child of God, we cannot allow ourselves to be influenced by the world.  The wicked in the world are there on purpose: Satan knew exactly what he was doing when he sowed the bad seed that produced wickedness in the world.  Christians can be fooled into thinking that their involvement in unrighteousness won’t take away their salvation.  But Jesus says the angels have a special job to do at the end of the age – they are to gather out of His kingdom (a.k.a – the church, in this context) that is in the field “all stumbling blocks, and those who commit lawlessness, and throw them into the furnace of fire; in that place where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”  Don’t be a poser, and don’t let yourself be caught off your guard by the suffocating influence of the world.  Keep your eye on the goal: you WANT to be in the kingdom of the Father, and you want to shine like the sun at the end of time.  You want to be rescued from the weeds that make your life difficult and you don’t want to end up in the same place they do!  She who has ears, let her hear – Are you in the kingdom?

Approaching Almighty God

Have you ever wondered what is going through God’s mind when you approach Him?  How does He perceive your worship?  In Ecclesiastes 5, the Preacher gives us some wonderfully helpful insight regarding the kind of attitude God expects when we come before Him. 

We know that it is our hope in Christ that allows us to come into God’s presence, or to come to Him in our need for mercy and grace (Hebrews 4:16).  Christ Jesus is our high priest, and we need not hesitate to approach Almighty God with our prayers and our praise.  But consider the manner in which you approach Him…

“Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil.  Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God.  For God is in heaven and you are on the earth; therefore let you words be few.”  (Ecclesiastes 5:1-2, NASB)

This is huge!  In many denominational circles we find the attitude that says, “Offer God whatever comes to you, whatever you want to give Him – He’ll accept it!”  Their worship is whim-driven.  They trust the words of men because they themselves have not done their homework, haven’t listened to God to find out what He actually wants!  This passage tells us that we need to come to God with the intent of listening – rather than giving Him something we’ve come up with – and letting our obedience to what He has communicated in His Word be our worship.  That’s why He’s been revealing His will since the beginning, so we can know what His will is and obey!  If a person does not consult His Word for understanding, the worship they offer is evil and they don’t even know it – the Preacher isn’t making this up!  God has not left us without any way to know what He wants.  He has provided everything that we need to know.  Peter tells us that “His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” (2 Peter 1:3)  That means our feelings can’t direct us when it comes to God’s expectations.  Ideas from other people are unacceptable, too.  The Bible is the only authority on the subject, and we must listen to it and gain true knowledge from it.

So the instructions of the Preacher in Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 are as follows:

1. Guard your steps as you go to the house of God: pay attention and do not flippantly approach God.
2. Draw near to listen.
3. Do not be hasty in word and
4. Do not be impulsive in thought: consider attentively any matter you intend to bring up in the presence of God.
5. Let your words be few: Remember your place!

 Some say that for the Christian every moment of every day is worshiping God.  While I see the idea and commend them for seeking to honor God in every part of their life, it is important to understand God’s idea of worship and His expectations of His people when they approach Him.  There is a difference between living each day with a godly attitude and specifically seeking to offer acceptable worship to God.  The only way to do any of it is by finding out what He wants and obeying in humility.  Ladies, Consider what you offer God when you come to worship Him.  Do you come to listen?  What do you offer Him, and does His Word confirm that it is acceptable?  Remember, without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6) and faith comes from hearing the word of Christ (Romans 10:17).  Do your research!  You can almost imagine God say, “Thanks for listening.”

Hunting for the Hidden Treasures

With Easter approaching, I am reminded of our Biblical Exegesis class last semester.  Denny Petrillo gave an analogy in which he compared an egg hunt to reading the Word of God. Ladies, if you’re anything like me, there have been times when you simply are not motivated to search God’s Word every day, or even every week, because so much of it seems to have nothing to do with you. Is the Word of God simply a collection of “stories,” a good book with some interesting tidbits squished between irrelevant histories from two or three millennia ago? Or is there more? Like Indiana Jones, sometimes we have to be prepared to immerse ourselves in the hunt to find the real treasures hiding in the catacombs.

It’s important to know, first, that not a single account in Scripture is “not in there just for you.” As our Exegesis instructor showed us so vividly last semester, every passage, every portion is recorded because God had something specific to communicate to the original readers, and something equally specific to communicate to you and me centuries later. All we have to do is figure out what He was telling the original readers (Who was the book written to? When, and why? Consider the entire book in its purpose), how He told them (Is it in the form of poetry, history, law, prophecy or gospel?), then look for the principles that apply to us today. Even the most seemingly insignificant things can suddenly become of vital importance. What phrases pop up over and over (and over) throughout the book you are reading? Is God making a specific point by reiterating a phrase or keyword? Try to figure out what is different between you and the people who first received this inspired message. Consider things like which covenant they were under, when they lived and received the message, and what was going on at the time historically. What are some differences in regard to their culture when compared with ours? Discerning these differences will help you to discover both the message that God gave to them directly and the specific principles that apply to us today.

I know we are not preachers in a pulpit. That’s not the role God gave us as women. But preachers are instructed to use these kinds of methods when they study, because otherwise they run the risk of reading their own interpretations into the text instead of getting applications out of it. We need to learn to do the same thing. These are just a few ways that we can start getting more “out of it” when we study God’s Word. I promise that with practice things will begin leaping off the page. Happy hunting!

“You’re too kind. No, really.”

As a woman, being on the receiving end of praise or encouragement is difficult.

Based on the discussion I had with three very dear sisters recently, I’m not alone.  The hardest part about accepting a compliment or being grateful for encouragement is the barrier we place between ourselves and those offering it.  What is it that prevents us from taking those encouraging statements to heart?  Negative comments and criticisms are always in ready supply from people around us, and we never seem to have trouble believing that they’re true.  I have noticed many times that even a perception of criticism will haunt me until I can find out if it is valid.  Do these jeans really look that bad on me?  Was that person offended by something I did?  These things are instantly given credence.

But what happens when we receive praise?  “Wow – you did a really great job on that poster!”  “Your hair looks so nice today.”  “I appreciate your hard work!”  We usually offer in return some comment about how we didn’t really do that well, or we just threw it up in a pony tail.  In our minds, we don’t really feel that we deserve to receive those comments, nor do we believe they are true.  After all, with so many flaws, why would someone want to make me feel special?  Didn’t they notice my imperfections?  I certainly did!

The conclusion of our discussion was that when someone offers praise or encouragement, our reaction needs to be a blessing in return: gratitude.  To say, “Thank you!  I really appreciate that,” is encouragement in itself – our gift to the giver.  We know that anytime we offer praise or encouragement to others, it is heart-felt (at least it should be)! Our desire is to lift them up.  When we give of our time to make another feel special, or take special notice of something they’ve accomplished, our desire is not to make them feel less worthy!  Yet when others do the same for us, we have that suspicious attitude that says, “you probably don’t mean it; you’re just trying to make me feel better.”

The challenge: Look through the eyes of the one who praises you.  What do they really see?  Why did they praise you?  I practiced this very thing this morning to see if it works.  And it did.  When I woke up this morning, instead of taking the usual doleful look in the mirror, I bound up the stairs and greeted my husband with an “I know you think I’m beautiful!” smile and a “Good morning!” The first thing he told me is that I’m a beautiful girl.  The result: For the first time in a long time, I believed him.  Encouragement is something to be grateful for – God knows that we need it and it’s time we allowed it to nourish us and build up our confidence.  Face it, girls, God has given us a lot to offer!  It’s time that we praise God for what He’s given us instead of being ashamed of who we are.  Remember what it is that God values and use your talents without apologizing!  And practice these words: “Thank you.”

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.  Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”  ~Proverbs 31:30-31.

How to catch a White Knight

Several years ago, a young man in his late teens posed the question to a group of both guys and girls, saying, “Why is it that Christian girls say they want a good Christian guy, but they go for the fixer-up-er?”  Being a very outspoken 10-year-old, I gave him my two cents on the subject.  I had watched enough chick-flicks to see a pattern. 

“It’s because we want to feel that we are special enough to make him want to become better than he is,” I replied. 

We would never admit that we want to be the reason for a guy to change; he should want to change for God, not for us, and we know that.  But there’s always the secret hope that their feelings for us are so strong that they would do exactly what Landon did in A Walk to Remember. 

What would happen if our wish came true?  Ladies, I don’t know how many of you have had this mentality – I venture to say we all have at some point.  It’s what whispers in our ear that if we wear our close a little tighter, shorter or lower, we will capture the attention of that bad boy that would probably come to Christ if he knew what a great catch we are inside.  Does that seem a little ironic to anyone else?  This temptation is nothing new – it’s just more romanticized these days.  Our girlish hearts fantasize about meeting our own Landon; he’ll be rough and course at first, but he will become tender and even godly once he discovers that that is what he must do in order to catch us.  I, however, would like to suggest a different tactic.

Who remembers the woman from Proverbs 31?  Does this seem unattainable to anyone else?  That woman is a hard-worker!  She’s amazing!  Take some time and thoroughly read that section, and here is my dare: make it your mission to become that woman.  Will you ever attain such character?  More importantly, who will notice that you are seriously striving for it?  Certainly the God who inspired those verses will.  But who else?  Reason would have it that the young men who avert their eyes from skin-tight pants and low cut tops will be the silent observers of your efforts.  Will they awkwardly take notice of you and shyly try to catch your eye?  Maybe.  Will they in turn be working as hard as they can to build their own character to be worthy of you?  The strong ones will.  I guarantee it.  And, really, isn’t that what we actually want?  My challenge: if a godly man is what you seek, become the woman such a man would seek himself.  And make it your mission to do it out of love for the God who set up such a brilliant system of match-making: life and godliness.  Go get ‘em, tiger.