When failure is not really failure…

For the third time this week, I had to throw away bad meat. What is GOING ON?!

I am taking a step back, reviewing what is different. I realize a new skill began using my bandwidth this week:

I am learning how to teach my daughter not to shame herself for her limitations.

😳

My older daughter has health issues. Less-than-stellar eating habits that others might tolerate just fine can put her in the hospital. Every day we carefully monitor her water intake, diet, and bathroom habits, because even one day of mommy not paying enough attention can set us back a whole week of damage control and possibly a visit to the ER.

Right now, this sweet six year old is learning to ride a bike without training wheels. She also took on the job of tidying the living room every day in exchange for a nickel. She is so proud every day when she comes to let me know she did her job and would like 5 cents please. She is so excited that she has no training wheels! She loves the new school book we started this week.

And through angry tears, she shares her frustration, that, “of course,” her body is having problems again. and she is ashamed of it.

She felt that, because she knows HOW to prevent problems, failing to do so made her naughty or deficient in some way – like it’s her fault. A month ago we were doing so good!

So today we talked about the normal cycle of 1) learning a skill, 2) practicing that skill to gain mastery, and 3) excelling in the skill.

Phase 1 is fun. It’s fun to learn a skill. Phase 3 is fun! Mastery brings such confidence and pride in a new skill!

Phase 2 is aweful.

It’s full of frustration. Why? Because so much bandwidth goes to the practice of a new skill, that regression in other areas is common. It’s perfectly normal.

The truth is, this little girl is more aware of proper eating habits than I had ever been. Even as an adult. Because, for her, it’s the difference between a week of functional school days, and – well, nearly a week of just managing her health and little else. Focusing on healthy habits is a skill. And it’s one that took priority over many others in her young life.

So this morning, I wiped away more tears and let her in on a secret. Because she learned to ride a bike this week AND began a new school book, means some things are hard to remember right now. Soon she will master her new talents and skills. Then, it will be easier to remember everything she learned before about preventing health problems WHILE doing new things.

It’s okay to feel frustrated. It drives us to make a change that will help us not forget next time. Shame is out of place in this situation, though. Shame only helps when we didn’t see the value in making an effort, and experience failure as a consequence of not caring. Shame is meant to correct apathy.

Failure as a result of practicing a new skill is not failure at all. It’s simply another step to mastery.

This would be the moment in which my 8-year-old son brought my attention back to the burning sausage. (Good job, buddy).

Which is why, for the first time this week, I am not going to beat myself up for having to throw away inedible meat. I’m not proud that it happened. But, it’s a sign of something good. I’m learning the skill of helping my little girl master a healthy self-image. And my son is learning how to prevent kitchen fires. Win-win.